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Times Are Hard For Dreamers [entries|friends|calendar]

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[13 Jun 2005|09:44am]
I wasn't going to come back to livejournal, but I think I'm going to with a new user name and stuff. If you'd like to be added, send me a message.
59 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

This Is It. [27 Apr 2005|10:52pm]
[ mood | Hopeless ]

So I was out on my backporch chain smoking, and coughing up a lung because I smoke all too much, and I had this whole entry planed out in my head. Everything I wanted to say and wanted people to realize... but then I came to a conclusion.

I think I'm going to just dissapear for a bit. No livejournal, no AIM, no myspace (it's being deleted), no cellphone. Nothing.

I worry about my friends so much even when I feel like they don't worry about me, and lately, I really feel they don't. I always put them first, it's how I've always been. But I need to work on myself a bit, which is the hardest thing for me. I don't even think I know how. I feel like such a waste of space lately and it's not healthy, I know that. I'm so dependent on other people to make me happy, and I can't do that anymore.

I really wish I could just move out for a bit, take time for myself, but god knows that wouldn't happen. Even my mom doesn't trust me right now.

So this is it I guess. This isn't a sympathy plea at all. More a realization for myself. I don't feel like I have much these days and I need to atleast have myself. So I guess I'll catch you guys when I'm ready to face the world again.

I really hope I can keep this up, we'll see how long it lasts.

16 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

[24 Apr 2005|06:28pm]
[ mood | I Don't Even Know ]

Yeah. I hate coming home's to slaps in the face but I should have, kind of, prepared myself for it.

Maryland was amazing. I miss it so much already. I can't wait to go back when Rose come's home from France.

Pictures soon, promise.

Fuck you.

You didn't get to see me in my dress.

4 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

"I AM HOLLYWOOD!" [22 Apr 2005|10:31am]
[ mood | excited ]

I'm fucking going to Maryland today.
I couldn't be more excited. Getting the fuck out of here. A temporary break from reality. And I mean really, prom with Gabe? There will be a million and two pictures when I get back of me and polka dotted dress and ugly pink shoes... it'll be amazinnnggggg!

Last night was the Misery Signals show. A lot of people bitched and moaned but I enjoyed myself for the most part. Saw a bunch of good kids. Highlight definitely was Joe, Dan, and Alan from Four Year Strong showing up. I was in complete disbelief. It made my night. I mean really... can you resist this?
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Afterwards I went to the airport with Kayla and Ian. We went down a one way street and got pulled over by two cop cars. I love the airport. Got lost, got taco bell. and I had to be home.

No, fuck YOU IAN! (no just kidding!)

Wednesday would have been one month. Awesome.

Ugh, don't think about that. Maryland Maryland Maryland Flying Maryland Maryland Maryland!!!

So not thinking about "that" failed. I'm about to go to Maryland and still can't stop thinking about him. What the fuck.

9 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

[19 Apr 2005|01:58am]
[ mood | Devistated Beyond Belief ]

And like that, it's completely over.I've been replaced.

I can't stop shaking. My whole body hurts.

I've never cried so hard. I've never hurt so bad.

He's all yours.

Nothing has ever hurt like this.

I'm not going to want to wake up tomorrow.

And like that, I'm deathly afraid all over again.

I hope you fucking regret this.

(yet I still care).

6 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

[18 Apr 2005|06:11pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Crushed is right, I'm fucking crushed beyond belief.
I'm tierd of this one sided shit. Because that's really how it is.

"I want to hate you so bad, but I can't stop this anymore then you can. So honestly, how could you say those things when you know they don't mean anything...This is all wrong and it shows...You've got this silly way of keeping me on the edge of my seat, but you're only counting the clock.. and I'm miserable."

I feel like I should just give up, but it's easier said then done.

I feel so lost right now. This is my spring break, it's warm and sunny outside, but I'm in here crying and lonely. Sweet. Remember me<3you<3the end. Yeah I do, and I still mean it. I just wish you did too.

I don't know what I'm doing, or why I'm still trying, but I am.

3 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

[15 Apr 2005|02:22pm]
[ mood | weird ]

Today is the 15th. That means GO KARTS OPEN!

It's also 2:22, make a wish.

I'm also on break for the next week. I couldn't be happier about that. Time to get shit together. Gather my thoughts. Go to Maryland and get away for a bit. Maybe spend some more time with you.

Knowing I made you cry was the hardest thing to ever hear.
Nothing hurt as bad as that.

I babysit tonight from 5:30-10. But after that, being my first night of break, I want to go out and do something times a lot. Lets playyy.

"I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
With words you used to say...
So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door."

"It's killing me to see you
Just tie the rope and kick the chair
Leave me hanging there, gasping for air
Yeah, don't mind me three feet from the ceiling."

Life's No Story Book

[14 Apr 2005|09:20am]
[ mood | numb ]

What am I doing? Everything's a mess right now. I don't want to be at school and I just walked in. I'm awful.

I didn't go to sleep until 3-ish last night. I woke up at like 7:30. Sweet. I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally.

Everything here is so loud. I don't like it. I want to be home, in bed, sleeping, and not thinking.

I had a bad dream last night, too. It just made it harder to wake up today.

I'm sorry for everything. I don't want to make things any harder then they need to be.

Thank you to everyone who's been there for me through this shit. Devon, Jamie, and especially Nikki. You've been more then amazing to me.


Chances of me staying here = slim to none.

I miss my brother and all my Almost Tomorrow boys.

Just keep thinking about spring break... keep that in mind. A break more than needed.

14 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

[12 Apr 2005|02:49pm]
Today I broke down. Absolutely broke down...

If I could only tell you half the stuff running through my head.
11 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

[12 Apr 2005|09:31am]
[ mood | crushed ]

I hate myself for this.

3 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

"I Want To See The Movies Of My Dreams" [10 Apr 2005|07:25pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I feel totally and utterly alone today. It's not fun.

I feel like a total mess. I don't know what I want, but I do. I feel so confused on everything.

I miss my brother already. The band (Almost Tomorrow) is on tour for 2 1/2 weeks. The whole East Coast. I worry about my boys. Bryan's already sick. I love those guys so much.

What am I doing... ugh.

4 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

[10 Apr 2005|01:27am]
[ mood | confused ]

"Kiss me one last time..."

2 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

The Time Has Come. [07 Apr 2005|01:41pm]
[ mood | scared ]

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27 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

"You're Not Bigger Then This, Not Better Then This, Why Can't You Learn?" [05 Apr 2005|09:33am]
[ mood | grumpy ]

Long story short, yeah I really am a jerk. I'm an ass hole.

"Nothing that makes sense ever works out. Don't kid yourself... nothing can be good on it's own."

I'm absolutely exhausted. I'm doing my 5 hour. Part II is today. I painted my nails during it yesterday. It's so boring.

Somebody stole my wallet at school. Pretty fucking sweet. $60 plus my permit. Awesome.

I really want to get everything finalized for Maryland. I need to get away. Not think. Spend time with Gabe and be distracted.

I just finished my little barrell- hug- blue- juice- thing that you always had when you were a kid. It was wonderful.

I want to sleep and never wake up.

Things are good and bad at the same time and it's weird. I just want to be one or the other. Not switching back and forth. It's unsettling. Grrr. I'm grateful for what I do have, though.

"The first star I see may not be a star...
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?
If I don't let myself be happy now,then if not now, when?"
19 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

"Cause I Need You, Like A Dragon Flies Wings Need The Air." [03 Apr 2005|03:49am]
[ mood | drained ]

Hi I'm Katy McIndoe and I'm a huge dick head.

The end.

9 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

Double You Tee Efff. [02 Apr 2005|02:37am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

lx falloutboy***: but i mean i heard all the shit about u hanging with bob and sht
lx falloutboy***: i mean its ok
lx falloutboy***: but it would deff. seem scatchy to him
lx falloutboy***: and he avously likes you
lx falloutboy***: i gotta go
lx falloutboy***: think about it
lx falloutboy***: do the right thing

Hi. Some people know how to make me feel like complete shit. Sweeet.

Other wise, I'm happy.

I built a fort. It's the most awesome thing ever. It'll wooden and nailed and screwed and... wow. It's too fucking cool.

My monroe hurts like a bitch, I want it to heal faster.

As Tall As Lions and Copeland Sunday, I couldn't be more excited.

6 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

"And It's Just My Luck To End Up Getting Stuck." [29 Mar 2005|10:24pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I can't stop listening to this song. It's on repeat. Since I heard it on the radio with Devon earlier. I remember them playing it live. So good.

I saw the Ring two with Adam tonight. It was sooooo creepy.

I fucking love this song.

And Bob's the nicest guy ever, he's bringing me pizza. Too cute.

Syracuse this weekend for As Tall As Lions, Copeland, Acceptance, and Lovedrug. I'm stokkkeddd.

I'm a dork and I don't care what anyone says. Haha.

16 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

[28 Mar 2005|10:31pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I got my monroe pierced today. I thinkkkk I like it a lot.

Pictures soon, duh.

10 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

"I Was Happier Then With No Mind-Set." [26 Mar 2005|07:58am]
[ mood | anxious ]

My back needs to feel better immediately. I can't have it hurt this badly and function normally much longer.

Aric's girlfriend Lora cut my hair last night. I like it. I need to figure out how to style it, though. She's an absolute sweet heart. I hung out with Devon all day too which was amazing. We got free anything and everything at Dunkin Donuts because Dominic works there, it was awesome. I got to see Kevin too, I really don't want him to leave.

I want to look for prom dresses today for Gabe's prom. I'm so excited to be going to Gonzaga's prom in Maryland, especially with him. I love him. If it doesn't work out, I'll be devastated. Really, I want to go that badly. I miss Gabe and would give the world for him. Not to mention, I just need to get out of Rochester for a few days.

I hate being pessimistic. I take things as signs and think to the worse.

I really want to hang out with Ian and Maggie and Laura and them. We had a spurt for like a week or two then we stopped talking?

Ben's home and I want to see him.

8 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

eeep [15 Mar 2005|10:55pm]
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I dyed my hair. I don't know how I feel yet. The past 6 days have been wonderful. I'm tierd.
34 Wrote Pretty Words| Life's No Story Book

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